The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings enormous meaning and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, address with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to pop over here be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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